Drastically Sarcastic
by Vega Nightshade
Summary: Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't a calm person. It all went downhill from there... Why? Attempting murder as a cop wasn't simply a bright idea. Especially when 'the victim-to-be' was somehow connected with the police department. But he was such a pest! Will Shizuo manage to find out the truth behind Orihara Izaya before throttling him in anger for all the taunting and innuendos?/AU Shizaya
1. The Day I Met Him

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! I humbly present you with the first chapter of my new Shizaya story "Drastically Sarcastic". I know it's another one... Yet, "Affections in Richter's Scale" are going nicely and this is the story that I'm writing in between. Just to kill the time when my lovely beta is checking the first one... Besides, the idea for this story was in my head along with the first one. I just couldn't wait anymore... I must inform that it arose from the unfulfilled request on kink meme. I felt the need to write it simply... It won't be so often updated, but I hope you will like it nevertheless.

So, this will be a Shizaya fic with Shizuo as the ill-tempered cop and as for Izaya? You will see for yourself I hope... :) A bit lighter mood also. Enjoy...

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><p>Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't a calm and patient person. It all went downhill from there... And it wasn't like he chose to be that way exactly. It was just a fact. He had a bad temper – a hellish one you could say even – he was like that from his early years. Even as a kid he was the first one to lose his cool over things. And it didn't help that he was fast to throw a tantrum because of rather trivial things at that. At least according to an average person's point of view. And so, no matter where or with whom he was, something <em>had<em> to go wrong. What made it more of a hassle?

For starters, it were always strangers that got caught up in it. One could say that maybe it were good news for his friends, but not for the rest of the population...? Not in reality. Because, being with Shizuo, one never felt... at ease, scared of what a seemingly innocent passer-by could say or do to make him go rampant suddenly. And it wasn't a nice situation to find yourself in – trying to put up a front of a good, law-abiding citizen, right? A question of priorities arose then... It was nearly impossible to calm Shizuo and that left one with a dilemma. To call the police and act responsible, what was equivalent with denouncing a friend, or stay silent and watch the hell burn, what make one break the law to some extent. Both options left the person with remorse.

Second problem? Heiwajima Shizuo was a man of inhumane strength. And it wasn't an exaggeration... As a middle-school kid, probably even younger, he participated in fights and won – no matter the number of opponents, their weapons or other circumstances. He had gotten hurt more than once, yet he seemed to ignore the pain or not realise that there was any damage to his body. He should be compared to an ant – able to lift an enormous amount of weight and throw it fearfully far. He healed unnaturally fast also, putting all of the doctors and nurses in awe. In other words, Heiwajima Shizuo made an impression of not being a human at all or a humanly monster of kinds at best. A mutant, perhaps?

That all being said, Heiwajima Shizuo hasn't had the chance to make many friends or lovers. He was mostly feared or detested. There were people that looked at him in wonder and a few in admiration; however, they usually observed him from afar. Thanks to that, he was used to solitude and self-dependence. Hence, the current situation didn't stay well with him. Truthfully, it pissed him off. Nothing out of the usual...

But now... what _was_ the current situation?

Well, despite how irrational and improbable it seemed thanks to the description of Heiwajima Shizuo's persona, he was an actual police officer. More exact, a part of the homicide department's staff. An investigator or a detective to make it easy... There wasn't a partner he worked with longer than a month – all of the men assigned to him resigned or pleaded for transfer. Apparently, he was too difficult to work with. And so, for some time now he didn't have a partner at all. Up to this point. And that's what irritated him...

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><p>I was pleased with how the things were. I didn't have to deal with some sissy prick who always tried to remind me of the protocol and 'no violence unless it's utterly necessary' rule. It <em>also<em> played on my nerves... I was on my own, my own master. It was great! But no... They had to go and ruin everything! And what was their reason? I needed someone who would control me a bit? That was fucking ridiculous! How was I supposed to stay calm, huh?

Above all, they tell me something like that and choose a kid for my partner? The youngster had to be fresh out of the training... How was I to stay composed around a novice like him? He was younger than me, at least fifteen centimetres shorter than me and lanky like a straw. Moreover, he looked as if my presence scared him to death, he was so silent and stubborn not to look me in the eyes. How the hell that brat found himself in the homicide department? How was I to co-operate with him? One unwilling partner wasn't so bad, but when it was the two of them? Tch!

If looks could kill, my boss sitting on the other side of the desk would have been dead the moment I had entered his office. Not much luck... This was reality... Besides, my _boss_ was one of my friends as well. Disposing one of the few I had wouldn't be the smartest...

"What the heck am I to do with the brat, Tom-san? He's too young to be here in the first place! He's going to cry his eyes out and heave his intestines the moment he sees a dead body. Did you see how easy he is to intimidate? I bet he has heard rumours about me and right now shits into his pants at the mere thought of being assigned to me... Whose idea was that?" I asked in a demanding tone.

Tanaka Tom _wasn't_ intimidated. Nor impressed. Unfortunately... He has been my boss for three years now and a few years before that, my sempai in high school. He knew me quite well. I wasn't going to win this one.

"You know, Heiwajima-kun? Everything that happens here is for a reason... And I think you are quite aware of that. I may be your friend, but I am your boss too. And what should I do when my subordinate runs wild during an investigation? There was no way I could cover that up... I know that I'm the one who gave you this job with the knowledge of your temperament. And I can't deny that the strength of yours, as well as opinion, helps us often – if it was any other way I would have to fire you on the spot – yet even my readiness to accept some of your doings ends at some point. That's why you have to be... punished accordingly." Tom explained.

"So what? My punishment is partnering me up with the kid? How is that to help anyone? It will be only more of a problem, I assure you." I said determinedly.

"That's not exactly the punishment itself. You are to work with Ryugamine-kun only for the time being. His previous partner has been injured and is recovering currently. And actually, you were right about one thing. He's not from homicide department. He's a regular as for now. A street officer. And you're assigned to _him_, not the other way. You will be patrolling the streets with him for the next two weeks or so. Guess that should act as a vent for your recent feelings..."

"Patrolling... the streets... I? Patrolling? What the fuck? Are you fucking kiddin' me?" I whined loudly.

That was impossible! When was the last time I had to do that kind of thing? I was going to kill the dipshit who reported me to Tom-san!

"That's right. And you'd better behave during it or you won't go back to your usual work any time soon. You start your shift at three o'clock today, I believe. Ryugamine-kun will inform you about the district and such. You're dismissed." Tom announced shortly.

"Fucking great! This is the last thing I need... Tch!" I stood up to leave, my anger boiling inside of me.

"Oi, and Shizuo?"

"What?" I asked grumpily.

"Don't kill the boy. It's not his fault. I know you're pissed right now, though keep that in mind. I wouldn't want to be forced to fire you for real. It's the one job you stayed the longest at, right? Do your best!" Tom added with an encouraging smile.

"Yeah, yeah... Whatever..." I said, yet I was a bit thankful for those words.

I knew that Tom-san wouldn't do that if it wasn't imperative. I had acted irresponsibly and it wouldn't be fair if I haven't been punished for it. Other guys would have made an uproar for sure... Guess I just had to deal with it for now. And really try not to kill that Ryugamine kid...

Wait, that meant I had to wear an actual uniform? Geez...

I walked to my desk with a grim look on my face. Frightening enough that no-one tried to approach me and ask how Tanaka-san scolded me _this_ time... There were some people at the office that had the guts to talk with me about something more than the case in progress; though, this was not their day...

There was a little surprise for me at the desk. The kid I had only a glimpse of was waiting for me, standing there as if he wanted to be swallowed by the ground beneath his feet. I was so right about him, damn it! He looked like the type easy to bully and order around. Why the heck a career in the police then? Was he of any use...?

"You're Ryugamine-kun, I guess?" I asked directly.

"H-hai! Ryugamine Mikado. Hajimemashite!" he responded stiffly, with a deep bow at that.

Christ! This kid's seriousness made me feel almost uneasy... What the hell...!

"Yeah, great... No need to be so uptight, kiddo', I'm not your superior really... Call me Heiwajima-kun and that's that. No 'Heiwajima-san's'. It will only irritate me, you get that?" I looked at him expectantly.

"Y-yes." a stammering answer came.

"Great. You can quit with stuttering if you're at that. I'm not going to eat you alive nor smash your skull into the wall. Don't believe all of the rumours. Most of it is not even the truth or it's a very coloured version of it. Actually, all of my former partners are still _alive_ and it wasn't me who bit Akira's finger off. The idiot did it by himself. Cut it while cooking for his wife if it's any of your interest..." I said casually and sat on the edge of the desk.

The boy still didn't look at me directly, only casting me short, nervous glances. Whatever... It wasn't my problem... If he wanted to be afraid of me no-one was going to stop him... I could only pray it will finally stop without my help...

"So, Ryugamine-kun... Which district is ours, then? I was told you will give me the details..."

"I-Ikebukuro. Th-the Sunshine City." he answered a bit more loudly this time.

My brows raised in surprise.

"The Sunshine City? That's quite the major area. Many people to watch after... How long have you been working for the police?" that was the one thing I needed to know. Maybe it was only a false impression. Maybe he had more experience that I thought...

"Half a year."

Damn!

"With that partner of yours, I suppose? The one that has been injured? What the heck happened?" I was suddenly curious.

Maybe that was the reason for the boy's insecurity? Maybe they got caught up in something serious during a routine patrol? Something like that could explain this kid's jumpiness. And could be temporary...

"There was a robbery and we chased after the culprit. M-my partner wanted to jump from a fence to catch him and fell. He has a broken leg..."

"Oh..." here ends my beautiful theory...

The shyness and all must be his natural charm then. What a pain... I was in no humour to deal with that kind of thing. And had no way to steer clear of it. Just my fucking luck!

"Umm... Heiwajima-s... Heiwajima-kun, don't you need a uniform for work? You should probably..." Ryugamine stopped in the middle of the sentence, not sure if it was a good move to suggest anything most probably.

"Guess so... I'm not gonna' kill you for saying that, you know? I'm not gonna' kill you at all for that matter, so stop looking as if I had murderous attempts towards you, okay? That would do us both good if we're going to work together... It's still three hours left til' our patrol, so I will leave you for now, 'kay? Meet me at the Sunshine 60's entrance door. Should be all right to start from there..." I announced, pushing myself away from the desk and taking the phone from it.

"Jā ne, Ryugamine-kun. Til' three o'clock sharp then."

"J- Jā ne..."

God, I was already pissed off... I had this gut feeling about tonight... And it told me it was going to be horrible... I should have become a teacher of physical education or something... Though, I would probably beat the students into a bloody pulp for idiotic misbehaviour... Teenagers were irritating as shit these days... It was all irritating!

The walk from my apartment to Sunshine 60 was nerve racking. I had the impression of being observed by all of the people surrounding me, as if I was a rare specimen in a zoo or something similar. Was it my imagination or the truth? Didn't matter, as long as the sick feeling wouldn't leave me. The uniform made me annoyed and uncomfortable. There was no reason for me to wear it the past three years and it was fine by me. Now it really fitted to me like a suit to a tomboy... In my opinion at least. I was so used to my usual attire – which wasn't that normal probably, as it was actually composed from parts of my old bartender uniform. Kasuka presented me with more than twenty sets of those and I wasn't able to dispose of them after I lost the job. Sentiment or whatever... It came in handy when Tom-san gave me the position in his department. I just resigned from wearing the waistcoat and the bow-tie... I preferred my white shirt and suit-trousers any time to the stupid uniform. I wasn't fond of blue...

I reached the entrance soon enough and there he was – my partner. He might have looked neat and tidy in his uniform, yet it didn't help him in gaining self-confidence. He greeted me with the same slightly trembling voice. And a polite fixed phrase.

"K-Konnichiwa, Heiwajima-kun. I'm looking forward to our work today."

"Yeah, konnichiwa, Ryugamine-kun. Let us just start the patrol. We should keep our eyes on the probable pickpocketers. I guess it's the only offence that happens here quite often and for us to worry about..."

"H-Hai!" he replied earnestly.

Well, that ought to be an advantage, right? Eagerness is one of the newbies' traits, I guess. And matched with the fear of my persona should make him quite easy to work with after all. I could tell him what to do and he would probably listen... Not so bad... Though, there was a small chance of being in need to order him around. What could happen in a place like this, really? Despite my earlier gut feeling, I doubted there was anything except the aforementioned pick pocketing to look out for. How could _that_ be dangerous?

To my utter surprise _and_ distaste we had our hands full of work. Was I off the streets for so long? Or today's events were specific for the area simply? I had no idea... However, I didn't like them the least bit... The whole day my blood pressure has been rising and I had to remind myself of Tom-san's words not to beat sense into those peoples' heads. And I fucking _hated_ violence no matter how illogical it sounded. That was partially the reason why I entered the police force...

In the end, we had to stop a fight between a group of over-eager, noisy teenage brats that started from a discussion of which anime was currently the best – how was that even remotely important? I hated kids that used their fists even to communicate. A royal pain in the ass they were if someone were to ask me...

There was a five-year-old girl who lost her mother somewhere in the crowd. How the woman could lose her child like that? Her angered face made me clench my fists and bite my tongue not to give her a talk about how one should _properly_ take care of their own children. She almost hit the child after we've found her, for fuck's sake! What kind of a mother was she? It was her fault in the first place, as we have been told she had left the girl on a nearby bench for a second to talk with a friend without interruptions... Stupid woman! That was the one moment I was grateful for Ryugamine-kun's presence, as he talked with the woman by himself... I was so close to breaking my oath of behaving myself...

One incident resulted in my and Ryugamine-kun's immense embarrassment; though, I couldn't say it didn't anger me as well. Because, Christ, we were in a public place and no matter how dark an alley is, there is always a possibility of someone entering it, just as we did... And I may be thirty years old, yet it's not one of my dreams to walk in on two people having sex in a place like this... Any place, actually. I would have been so much better without that visual...! We had to charge them with a fine and the conversation with the culprits was on the list of things to immediately delete from my memory. _Find a room people! I don't care about primal urges and a yearlong separation! There are kids walking here! _Yeah, well... That's what I've told them at least. God knows if they intended to listen...

It was ten o'clock and we were supposed to be changed by another pair of officers. I was more than glad that it was over for now. I was fucking _delighted_ and about to burst if someone pushed one button too much and pissed me off. And that's when I had to see it. I caught it with the corner of my eye. I had to, right? I would have been better off with not noticing a single thing! But I did and as a fucking police officer I had to react. All day there wasn't a single pickpocketer and it had to be now that one decided to rob someone? My luck again...

It was a young kid. Looked seventeen or so, in a white blouse and blond hair, similar to mine, that made him only easier to spot. I set off in his direction, yet something made him turn around and see me. He had to start running of course... And what else could I do than chase after him? Yeah, nothing in particular...

He was quite fast, damn it, and smaller than me. It was easier for him to run through the crowd. Thankfully, when I started to shout for people to get out of my way, they listened. I must have sounded positively pissed off and that meant I looked the part... Thanks for small miracles!

We passed the crowded main street and I was still on his tail, when he suddenly turned to one of the nearby alleys. It happened to be a blind one... Looked like someone decided to give me a break finally. There was no way the brat could escape now. I had him pinned. He turned to face me and there was a false smile on his face that he attempted to mask his nervousness with. Didn't work...

"Hey, kiddo'... First give the purse back and then we're going to have a little chat. I fucking _hate_ stealing bastards and would be awfully glad to teach you a lesson; though, I promised my boss to limit my use of fists. You're a lucky one... So, how will it be? You're going to return the purse and go with me voluntarily or I am to use some of my strength after all? Take your pick..." I announced in a steady, yet irritated voice.

I could have been on my way home by now and the little shit made me waste my time on him. Kids like him should sit at home and learn or at least do something harmless, like going to karaoke with other noisy brats. Was he so desperate for the money? Should have found a part-time job...

"Oi, officer-san! I meant absolutely no harm... The purse threatened to fall from the ladies bag and I was to give it back immediately to the sweet girl, but then I saw _you_ coming in my direction and reacted on instinct. You still have that scary look on your face. Who would blame me for running?" he said in a happy, sing-song voice.

My brow twitched, my fists tightened and jaw clenched. The fuck? The insolent brat had the nerve to lie straight into my face like that? That was a fucking big no-no! I saw how this purse _threatened _to fall out... I was going to punch him after all... There was no way I could compose myself right now...

"You must be fucking kiddin' me, kid! If you think I'm going to believe into that shit, then you're really asking for a beating!" I roared and the kid's smile froze.

Now _that_ was the right reaction. I started to approach him and was just about to lift him by the collar of his blouse, when a chirpy voice interrupted the momentary silence.

"I don't think it's a wise thing to do, Mr Officer. The camera in my phone is of exquisite quality..."

"What the hell?" I exclaimed and turned around, but the alley was empty aside of us.

"You're looking in the wrong direction, Mr Officer. You just have to lift that cute blond head of yours, ne~?" I heard and my fists tightened even more.

What the fuck? Cheeky bastard! I lifted my head; though, and there he was, sitting on a fire escape above us. As far as I could see, it was a young man in his twenties, with Japanese features and black hair. A black fur-trimmed jacket hid most of his body from the view, yet his legs looked skinny. There was a sly smile on his face that immediately made me dislike him. Somehow, his appearance matched with his annoying way of speaking...

"It's none of your business, so don't interfere. The kid stole a purse and there's no mistake in that. One has to pay for his own stupidity. Gaki!" I growled.

"Oh, I see... The big police officer is quite pissed off, isn't he? Ne, Kida-kun~! I told you to merge with the crowd when you try to steal. I can bet that the irritated cutie here noticed your blond hair and white blouse with no problem... Thinking, Kida-kun, is the key to success... and prosperity. I should leave you to learn that probably, but guess you will end up in a puddle of blood if I do. You should thank the heavens above that you happened to be detained by such a hottie. Can't waste th-"

"Shut the hell up! Who do you think you are that you can run your mouth like that? Cut the crap, because I want listen to it any more! It's the end of my fucking shift and I intend to go home. Have no bloody time for your meaningless bickering... And don't talk about a police officer in that manner. That can be taken as offence to your information. Unless you feel the need to be escorted to the police station along with the friend of yours..." I announced darkly.

"Oh! You have quite the temperament, don't you? I like that! Besides, I think, Mr Officer, that you have no other choice, but to really take me with you... Because, you see... It was actually _me_ who made the boy steal that purse today. So? You must be eager to take me, ne~?" he said playfully, ending his sentence with a wink.

Who the hell was that insane guy? Was he mentally ill or what...? He _asked_ to be detained? Even if he knew the boy was going to give him away later, why hurrying his own arrest? My head started to throb from all of this and it did nothing to improve my humour. And if he wasn't going to shut up soon, he was going to end as the beaten one.

"If you're so fucking ready to be put behind the bars, then come down. I will lock you up with pleasure, flea!" I hissed hatefully.

"You know me less then fifteen minutes and I already have a pet name? I am moved... deeply!" he sang almost and swiftly jumped of the stairs.

Now I could see that he wasn't taller than me, but from the boy in front of me about five centimetres. That meant he stood about five feet and nine inches tall or so. What fixed my attention; however, were his eyes. They were a strange colour of reddish-brown and had intensity in them that almost gave me creeps. He had to be a freak. He fucking emanated with bad vibes!

"Who the hell are you?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. It wouldn't surprise me if there was a gun on him or another kind of weapon...

"You don't know the simple rule, Mr police officer? I'll give you mine when you give me yours... How about that, ne~?" he answered, lowering his voice slightly.

"I'm asking the questions here. Speak up or it won't be the police station that you will find yourself in, get it?" I threatened finally. I was losing my patience. Fast...

"You're no fun, Mr police officer... But I'm going to be nice today and give you another chance to dazzle me. Just because you're a cutie, though. Bare that in mind..." he said sweetly. It made me want to heave...

"What's your fucking name, pest?" I growled again.

"Sorry to disappoint you, yet I don't think there will be any fucking between the two off us any time soon. Maybe I look the part, but I'm not that easy... First you will have to make me fall for you... Guess exchanging names is a good start... Orihara Izaya. You'd better remember. I won't say it twice..." he announced.

My blood boiled. I was ready to strike a blow at the impertinent louse. That moment Ryugamine-kun chose to show himself in the end of the alley. Have I told you about my rotten luck yet? He came closer, breathing loudly, and then his eyes widened, concentrating on the boy that was the cause of this comical situation.

"Kida-kun? Is that really you...?"

"Mikado?"

The heck? Was that a fucking family gathering? They had to be kidding me...


	2. Confusion Is Not Enough

**Author's Note:** Hi! Well, I wrote earlier that I won't be updating this story so recently, however as I'm still waiting for the feedback from my beta on the previous story, I'm going along with this one...

Thank you very much for the response to the first chapter. It encouraged me to continue as always :)

Here's the second chapter. Hope you'll find it entertaining...

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><p>"Mikado! It is you! Oh, my childhood friend, what a surprising reunion it is!" the kid that was called Kida exclaimed loudly and I could only observe in astonishment as he grabbed Ryugamine-kun's shoulders with a bright smile and gave him a measuring look. "You haven't changed a bit in those couple of years, Mikado! But how is it that you've entered the frightening Japanese police force? You were always so easy to scare, right, Mi-ka-do~?" he asked, pointing one of his fingers at Ryugamine's forehead.<p>

Was he even aware that I was _still_ here and _still_ majorly pissed off? What was with the overly friendly chit-chat with my partner when he was guilty of a crime? His _friend_ was a cop as well... He was too jolly, taking his current position into account.

"Oi, K-Kida-kun! L-Let go! I'm on duty now!" Ryugamine said. He was obviously flustered by the other kid's touchy-feely attitude. At least that much...

"Sorry, officer Mikado!" the Kida brat saluted jokingly, tilting his head to the side. "Should I be _scared_ of you now?" he pulled out both of his wrists as if surrendering himself to be handcuffed.

"It's only your appearance that's different, isn't it, Kida-kun? I wouldn't recognise you with blond hair at all, but the moment you open your mouth..." Ryugamine-kun laughed, but the sound died in his throat when _I_ used the occasion and swiftly handcuffed the Kida brat myself.

"Yeah, I'm simply terribly happy that you could talk with your friend, Ryugamine-kun, but the kiddo' isn't all roses and daisies exactly, so I will be taking him with me to the police station. Charged with theft." I announced curtly and moved to leave the alley, the boy left with no other choice but to follow me.

"T-Theft? K-Kida-kun...? That's why you had run after him?" Ryugamine asked disbelievingly.

"And what did you think? That I suddenly felt the need for a fucking marathon or decided to chase the kid for fun? He stole a purse from some woman's bag." I explained and resumed my walk.

"K-Kida-kun?" Ryugamine said in a weak, questioning voice.

"Y-Yeah... Sorry, Mikado... I think I will be actually going with this nice officer this time..." was Kida's meek reply.

Oh, was he embarrassed now? He should have thought before stealing from some innocent woman. Served him right!

"There's a patrol car near, so will be taking it to the police station. You can be excused, Ryugamine-kun. I'm going to take care of it from now." I informed him, but instead of a weak affirmation I was greeted with a determined expression on his face.

"I'm going with you. I want to hear the explanation."

"Okay..." I said, surprised by this sudden change. Besides, it shouldn't hurt anyone if he tagged along...

"How nice! So we will all be going like a big, happy family! Are you ready to take the role of the father, Mr Officer? I can't wait to see you in action!" a cheerful voice reached my ears.

I gritted my teeth. I forgot about the presence of this clown for a moment. And what a blissful moment that was...!

"You're not going anywhere, flea! I have no intention of spending a second longer in your irritating company than necessary. So... piss off and go back to the dirty ditch that you have certainly come from." I told him with fret.

"You're hurting my feelings, Mr Officer! And how can I not go? Don't say you want to let a criminal go free? I'm handing myself over to the hands of the police. Willingly! Those are some big hands that you've got there, by the way. I've always liked men with large hands..." he announced.

I turned my head to see him, baring my teeth in a hateful glare.

"Those big hands are going to break your skinny neck if you're not going to shut up! I don't care! You want to be arrested? My pleasure... Maybe they will beat you up in the cell; you're so fucking annoying... I will give them my regards later..." I spat in his direction and took a second pair of handcuffs from Ryugamine-kun, leaving him the Kida brat to handle.

I wouldn't have cared if they had decided to elope suddenly. My farewell, then... I wanted that day to end finally!

"Care to show me _your_ hands, flea?" I asked, the handcuffs rattling in my grip.

"Oh, you're into bondage? _Kinky_! I didn't take you for that type. I think we have a bright future before us, Mr Officer... I'm starting to be really _fond_ of you..." he teased in a lowered voice, wriggling his wrists in front of me.

I didn't say a word. I snapped the handcuffs. _Tightly_. A gasp of surprise reached my ears. Sweet melody...

"Quite forceful and domineering, aren't you? Are you like that in _every_ aspect of your life? Alarmingly interesting..." he spoke, licking his lips. Was that aimed to be suggestive? It gave me goosebumps... Freakish pervert!

Trying my best not to look at him, I grasped him by the collar of his shirt and tugged forward. I wasn't going to be delicate or watchful. It was his own fucking fault for asking to be locked up in the first place... He was going to pay for that kind of impertinence!

We reached the patrol car in an unusually short period of time – me making them run rather than walk probably. The faster I escorted them to the police station, the better for my sanity. I was disquietingly close to suffocating the bastard. How was it...? Orihara Izaya? The name of the devil himself! Playing idiotic games when no-one was even interested in participating except him. He thought he was special, for sure... The only thing that was special about him was the unique ability to make me want to go berserk. And I've met him no more than an hour ago...

The moment we've reached the door of the police station was the happiest moment in my life. That flea didn't stop rattling the entire way, about things I was better off without hearing. Was he fixated on me or what...? First calling me 'cutie' and 'hottie', then that talk about my hands and in the car he was spewing shit about how broad my shoulders seemed in the uniform. If I could, I would have killed him on the spot, I swear! Yet there were too many eyes looking on us... and it wasn't my dream to be charged with murder. But boy, the thought sure was tempting...

I really couldn't comprehend how such a person could exist... He had his kicks from tormenting me verbally. I was ready to bet a large sum of money on that. Still, knowing it, I wasn't any closer to ignore the provocation completely. I just couldn't...

I wondered... Was he aware in what kind of light that talk of his showed him? I was a guy. He was a guy too, no matter how much he resembled a flea... Putting aside the fact of me hating him on the spot, he must have been kidding... And if he was to make even the smallest remark of the kind while we entered the building, no bone of his will be intact... There would be no end to idiotic jokes if that happened. Guys were horrible in that aspect. My tendency to use strength wouldn't stop them from bullying me...

Like a strange procession, we went inside and I led them up to the third floor. Part of me sighed in relief, seeing the familiar walls and floors. Close... so close to freedom for today. Just leave the two pests, write down their personal data and put them behind the bars for the night. The rest could be dealt with tomorrow... A shy smile tugging at my lips, I sat them before my desk and took the right forms to fill. One of the sheets of paper I gave to Ryugamine, who stood at my side silently.

"Go with your friend, guess it will be easier for you to fill, and faster that way... I have no intention of spending the night here. We'll leave them here after we're done with the paper work. There is a cell we can put them in, so no worries..." I smiled dryly at the couple on the other side of my desk.

"B-But... Heiwajima-kun... This is... We're in the homicide department... We shouldn't do it here... It was only a regular theft, r-right? On the ground floor... the-"

"Ryugamine-kun! I don't care about the protocol that much right now. A cell is a cell... The placement of it doesn't really matter. It's for one fucking night, so let them bare with it. And you can hand the papers to the right department when we're done. I don't care... I'll be off by then... Clear enough?" I asked irritably.

"H-hai..." he answered only and started filling his form.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and grabbed a pen. _You will be at home soon, Shizuo. Calm down... _I assured myself in my head. Yeah, I ought to think positive!

"Any document you have on you, give them to me. The same goes for the content of your pockets. It will be returned while you're released. If you will be released. Wouldn't put it past you to be a wanted rapist..." I said grimly.

"Ne~, Mr Officer... I can assure you, they are _all_ willing." a smile was sent in my direction. "And there are no documents I have on me, sorry for the inconvenience... Though, when one tries to lure someone, shouldn't he try to learn about that person by himself? It's not nice to cheat, Mr Officer... Besides, I've always thought that the suspect was searched at the crime place. Were you afraid of putting your hands on me and losing control?" he asked in feigned innocence.

"How insightful of you..." I hissed through gritted teeth.

"For real? Now that sure was blunt for once. Are you opening up to me...?"

"The moment my hands touch you, you won't be able to move a single joint again! And I warrant _you_, it won't be pleasurable, flea!" I threatened.

"Why so insecure? I'm sure I can do something about your lack of experience if it's about that... And I assure _you_, it _will_ be pleasurable..." he whispered, leaning in my direction.

That was the last straw. Fucking bastard!

I leaned into his direction, grabbed him harshly by the collar of his shirt and lifted, so that he was now partially on the desk.

"You... are a dead person." I hissed at him and lifted my free fist to wipe that smug look from his face.

"Heiwajima-kun!" a familiar voice shouted and my blow stopped midway.

Fuck! Tom-san... Couldn't he enter three seconds later?

"Put the man down. What was it exactly that you were going to do? It couldn't be that you wanted to hit him, right...?" he asked simply and I reluctantly loosened my grip on the flea, pushing him away. With just the additional bit of strength. So that he landed on the chair behind him with a loud 'thud'. Small pleasures were _still_ pleasures...

"Tom-san, Konbanwa. We're holding those two for interrogation. A theft charge..." I explained, a little uncomfortable.

I made a promise to behave, at least in my head and it wasn't even a day that it was broken... Tom-san must have been disappointed in me and that made me regret my doings. To some extent. The louse deserved the harsh treatment!

"In that case, you must have mistaken the floors, Heiwajima-kun. But I'll put it on the account of it being your first day as a street officer." he looked at me meaningfully.

"Yes." I replied only and pushed away from the desk, ready to move to the ground floor.

"No. You'll stay, Heiwajima-kun. Ryugamine-kun, take care of the boy and the paper work downstairs. And for the future, don't let Heiwajima-kun frighten you to obedience. He wouldn't lay a hand on you, I'm sure. Isn't that right, Heiwajima-kun?"

"Of course not." I replied stiffly.

I didn't like the current development of events. Was I to be finally fired from the job? What Tom-san had in mind? And why was he speaking only about the kid and not mentioning the other guy? He wanted me to apologise to him first? There was no way I would do this! I preferred being unemployed in that case...

I didn't even notice the moment that Ryugamine left with the Kida person, so caught up in my own thoughts. So? That was it? I was going to be fired because of that arrogant shit that I've met today by chance? Just great!

"Well, now that we're alone, I believe we can talk without any problematic interruptions." Tom-san announced. "But first, uncuff Orihara-san, Heiwajima-kun."

My opened jaw must have touched the floor when I heard it. What? Uncuff? And more importantly, _Orihara-san_? How the heck Tom-san knew the pest? And to address him _Orihara-san_? Was he really a former criminal? Though, Tom-san wouldn't call him like that then, would he? What was going on? What the _fuck_ was going on?

"How the hell do you know this bastards name? And why should I uncuff him? He confessed into taking part in the theft that took place and he is to be questioned. I have no reasons to treat him differently than a usual criminal!" I said in a raised voice, not caring if I sounded rude at that point.

"Fine, great... Orihara-san? Would you mind explaining the situation to me?" Tom-san asked, ignoring me.

Was I repeating myself? I didn't care? What the hell was happening?

"Ah... I'm sorry Tanaka-san. I must confess that he isn't fabricating the truth... I've indeed told him I am responsible for Kida-kun's actions and partially it's true. In the sense that Kida-kun knows about my past and some things about the present me and is... as if to say... attached to my persona. You're aware of how the things are, am I right? Well, he is the part of them. I'm bound to silence, am I not? The boy doesn't know the whole truth and I cannot enlighten him. That's why I didn't stop him and to some point maybe even encouraged him. I must maintain a certain opinion, ne~?" the flea said in a calm voice, a smile on his face. He looked as if he was on a business meeting in a hotel and not handcuffed in a police building.

"I understand. However, it isn't wise to draw attention to yourself like that, and especially police officer's attention. Only a small circle of people is in on the situation and it's the best to stay that way. We won't be able to continue if that's to reoccur..."

"Well said, Tanaka-san. Though, mind the fact that some of your workers are... ill-tempered, if I can define it that way. I was merely trying to focus the attention of the hungry beast on myself instead of the poor frightened boy..."

Were they going to talk as if I wasn't even in the room? The hell if they were! What was that talk about the 'situation' and the hazy explanations? Why the fuck were they talking like equals? And the flea had no right to talk about me so freely!

"Cut the crap, flea! So nice and polite now? You weren't so serious a moment ago. You think that that silvery tongue of yours can pull off bullshit like that? After my dead body! You're the one who provoked the fucking situation in the first place! If not for being an accomplice in theft, I can charge you for fucking sexual harassment towards my persona!" I shouted.

I could feel my face getting hot from anger, trying my best to get a grip on myself before I started throwing things.

And what that flea did?

Laughed. He fucking laughed into my face! It was Tom-san's voice again that stopped me from massacring the bastard's face.

"Calm down, Shizuo. It's no use to resort to violence. The situation we have here is rather... delicate and fragile..." his hand on my shoulder held me in place. Mentally. I respected him and it was the only reason I restrained myself. Barely...

"You better make him shut up, because I can't vouch for myself..." I declared, once again through gritted teeth.

Tom-san sighed loudly and turned to look at the source of my misery.

"Orihara-san, be so kind and withhold from unnecessary behaviours. I know quite well how... friendly you can be when you find a person's reactions... amusing, but it's not the right person to try it with."

Was Tom-san _asking_ him? Who the hell _was_ that guy?

"Shizuo, I'm really sorry, but I need you to uncuff Orihara-san."

My brow twitched. Was there an end to my anger today or I was going to blow up from having to bottle most of it inside? It was all impossibly fuc-

"There is no need for that, Tom-san. I used the time of our little chit-chat to solve the problem by myself." his words interrupted my thoughts.

I looked at him and saw him whirling the handcuffs around one of his fingers, his wrists free. What...? How...?

"Ah... I see... Then I think it's time for you to leave. I will escort you to the door. You can go home too, Shizuo. Rest, relax... It will do you good." Tom-san said to me and motioned for my new hate object to leave.

"Huh?" I uttered somewhat stupidly. I just couldn't believe it was happening... They were going to leave... Just like that? Without a proper explanation, after everything that took place and all the hidden insults aimed at me? I was just to let it go...?

"Ah, I'm sorry, but it seems that this is the end of our meeting today. A shame... I started to like you, Heiwajima Shizuo-kun... Or should I call you... Shizu-chan...?" the pest asked in a sweet voice and was fast to disappear from the room.

A few minutes passed before I was able to move or think again, my head blank with hate and anger. I looked down and saw that one of my fists was covered in splinters. Huh?

Oh... I guess I needed a new desk...


	3. The Beginning Of A Chase

**Author's Note: **Well, here I am, finally with an update. Yup, I took my time... Still, thank you very much for the support of my work. All of the favourites, alerts and comments made my jaw hurt from smiling ;D I hope you will stay as enthusiastic :) So, in short, here's another chapter of Drastically Sarcastic in Shizuo's POV. Enjoy... Hopefully.

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><p>I wanted to ignore it. Really, <em>really<em> wanted to ignore it, but the kid started driving me crazy faster than I could count to ten. Normally, he was jumpy and easily intimidated, yet at least he listened when being talked to. Now? It seemed a bomb could have exploded a metre before his face and he wouldn't notice, so interesting was the asphalt under his feet. I called out his name the twelfth time now and there was still no reaction from him, not even that stutter of his. Nothing... What the heck was he moping for? To my knowledge, I kept my cool for four hours now, so it was unlikely I had caused his dejection. A truck killed his puppy or what? I wasn't a particularly jolly type of a guy; however, the atmosphere reached an alarmingly low level. I could barely breathe, it was so suffocating...

What to do in that kind of situation? No better way than to shake the blues out of him... And that's what I did. Well... almost.

"Ryugamine-kun!" I emphasised my shout with a slap into the back of his head this time.

And it sufficed to catch his attention, _finally_.

"H-Heiwajima-san?" the kid exclaimed, startled.

"I don't think it's good for you to make me think violence is the way to keep you focused..." I advised, my voice definitely less than pleased. "You ought to look out for people, not the other way round, Ryugamine-kun. If you're going to continue with having your head in the clouds, I'll wake you up in a less delicate way than I did."

The brat's expression changed between fright, confusion and the gloom that hasn't left his face since the beginning of our patrol.

It was hopeless... Even fear didn't stop his inner musings. The kid had a problem and it wasn't going away any time soon, it seemed.

It just had to be me, stuck with him and his depression for the next three hours or so. As if he wasn't annoying without additional problems...

"I'm s-sorry, Heiwajima-kun! I'm truthfully sorry! I know I'm acting irresponsibly. Again, I'm really sorry." he repeated time after time.

Was he a broken record? Being sorry changed little if he were to stay in the same poor mood, brooding over, well, whatever he was brooding over...

"Stop apologising, Ryugamine-kun. I can't listen to it over and over again. It hurts my ears... Better yet, tell me what the fuck is wrong with you, so we can resolve whatever shit makes you emoing like that. So, what the heck _is_ bothering you?" I asked, a bit impatient, yet trying to sound more friendly than my usual way.

Though, if the kid were to say anything to me, it would probably be from fear of my reaction than anything else. After all, we've met a day before... Even I, in my temperamental state, couldn't blame him for being reluctant to speak out. I didn't show myself from a likeable side either... Well, being scary had to do the trick then...

After a moment of tense silence, it did, thankfully, and the kid let the cat out of the bag. Hesitantly and in a slightly broken manner, but it was enough for me to grasp the gist of it.

"I'm... It's that... It's Kida-kun!" he spluttered and I wrinkled my brows.

Kida-kun? Who was Kida-kun exactly?

Oh! That little blond bugger who stole the purse the other day! That Kida-kun... Ryugamine-kun knew him if I remembered correctly. So, he was the core of the problem? Why? Well, only Ryugamine-kun could tell me.

"Kida-kun what? Did he play a number on you while you were writing the protocol? Did he manage to run away and you got scolded because of that?" I rose an eyebrow questioningly.

"I... No. It's just that... Kida-kun, was... _is_ my friend. We have known each other since our childhood. He had moved out; however, while I stayed in the country with my parents until I joined the police academy. We had stayed in contact through emails, before, two years ago, he disappeared without notice. I couldn't reach him no matter how hard I tried. And now, yesterday, he just... He c-came out of nowhere! And in addition, in such circumstances! I couldn't believe that the Kida-kun I have known since what feels like, well, forever, had s-stolen someone's purse! I still can't believe that... But he himself c-confirmed it. Why would he do something like that? Is he in a bad material situation? Is he taking part in some shady business? The other man, the one who angered you so much, he seems to know Kida-kun and I don't like that either. I want to help Kida-kun, but he insists nothing is wrong and that I shouldn't put much thought into it. That what he did was a o-one time deal. I want to believe him, b-but..." Ryugamine-kun broke off, biting his lower lip in obvious distress.

Wow... The kid sure gave his all into this talk. Somehow, it made my anger dissipate. He might have been a scaredy-cat to a point, but he cared deeply about the other boy. Bonds of brotherhood I understood quite well. One couldn't help, but care about the other person, no matter the other side's short-comings. Just like Kasuka and I. Though, it was my brother who had more to complain about than me... Still, we both had each others backs when necessary. No wonder Ryugamine-kun had such a shitty mood. Unfortunately, there was little I could do to change that in the current situation.

The Kida guy earned another plus on my list of irritating things. Was he daft? Cutting of contact with his supposed friend so suddenly and not bothering to inform him about his well-being? Didn't he care about Ryugamine-kun's feelings at all? The guy was probably going out of his skin to find him; visualising all of the usual depressing scenarios of the unwanted death of his friend. And the other brat had spent his time by robbing ladies of their purses and getting himself into the worst of companies, like Orihara, that flea!

Fuck! I was angry all over again just after seeing his smug face with the eyes of my imagination!

Heck, I had to stop thinking about the pest or it could end badly for someone's health... And there was still the issue of Ryugamine-kun and the 'smug thief'—as I decided to call him in my head.

"I don't think I can help you much, Ryugamine-kun" I stated truthfully, scratching my head in thought. "Well, I can't exactly say I'm fond of the guy, but you consider him your friend, right? If that's the case, I would say, don't give up too easily and try to coax some more information out of him, or if he won't talk and you have the possibility, try observing him more closely and maybe you can find something on your own? Who knows, the kid can actually have some problems that need solving and he could use a helping hand or simply an ear ready to listen? From where I stand? I would say he's insecure in front of you right now. Yesterday, when you came into the alley and found out about his theft? If you had looked closely, you could have seen on his face shame and fear of judgement and contempt. He's probably afraid of you thinking about him as a common delinquent and cutting any ties with him. Doing it first and not letting you to find out more isn't such a blow to his pride and he thinks it will hurt him less. Probably." I ended my unusually long monologue. "There is an option that he simply doesn't care about it any more, as well. Just not to sound overly optimistic." I added after a moment.

What? You think I was trying to kick the man when he's down? Not at all. Reality was reality, after all, and the kid should think about all of the possibilities, or the shock would kick him hard in the ass to the point of not being able to stand up again.

And I wasn't a pessimist. It was, as I said before, realistic thinking. I don't like surprises much...

Ryugamine-kun looked at me—maybe rather through me—pondering over my words most likely; confusion written all over his face.

What? I had shocked him with my attempt at youngsters' counselling? I was a cop! In homicide department. I had some practise at profiling... Otherwise it wouldn't make any sense. My working there, that is. It's not that they kept me there only for my Incredible Hulk-like properties. Murderers aren't coming through my office doors just because I'm Heiwajima Shizuo—the mad detective, or whatever. Possible punishment by me doesn't work as a deterrent for most of the psychos I'm dealing with, believe me...

"Are... Are you sure, Heiwajima-san?" Ryugamine asked cautiously.

I could sense he wanted to believe in my words, the hint of hope in his young voice. And I guess it made sense he wanted to believe me. It would mean that there still is his old friend behind all of the pretence and false bravado. Despite him having a shitty attitude, the blond kid probably still cared for the raven one; though, I'm aware I said he could have just _played_ nice. Somehow, yet, I had a feeling it wasn't a play. I know that kind of attitude well. Pushing people away and shit; for their supposed benefit of course. I had tried to do that with Kasuka and he proved me wrong, so yeah... It was a personal experience...

"I _can't_ be sure. There is no being sure when you're talking about people. They call pull out shit on you in the least expected moment. Still, I can say it seems _likely_ to me. What you do with it, is not my issue any more. All in all, you had the occasion to spill the beans, so now focus on your job as you should have done from the beginning of our shift. Is that clear?" I informed the kid in a rather grumpy tone.

I was slightly irritated at myself for playing some kind of a nice uncle in front of Ryugamine-kun; or a poor excuse of a therapist. I was not there to make him feel better, after all. _He_ was there to make sure the streets were a more friendly place for the citizens of this city.

Life started to be more problematic those days and it wasn't even my fault. People somehow ganged up on me; though, not to beat me up, but steal my time by insisting on occupying my attention. I wasn't interested in that! I preferred my solitude and not wrapping my head around strangers' problems. I was a man of few words and them making me talk all this time didn't sit well with me. Apparently, fate or some other shit I didn't care naming really, had other plans.

I only hoped it was temporary...

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><p>After only seven hours my hope has turned out to be nothing else than wishful thinking. Wishful thinking of enormous proportions at that... And there wasn't really any one to blame, because it was <em>me<em> who had chosen that particular bar and came through the door with the intention to relieve myself of some of the accumulated stress.

I wasn't fond of alcohol much, but if the drink was sweet enough and did its job of dulling a bit my senses and changing the focus of my thoughts to a less distressing topic, it was just fine... Except, it wasn't—this time...

The moment I had crossed the door, my gaze landed on the face of a person I was less than pleased to see. And yeah, that was probably one of the biggest understatements of the century—if not better. To make it only worse, that certain someone must have recognised me on the spot, as the smile I was presented with has been instantaneous.

"Fucking shit!" was all I murmured under my nose and hastily turned my back to leave as fast as humanly possible.

_Please, don't let him fallow me, don't let him fallow me, do-_

The hand on my arm made it obvious that this night wasn't keen on satisfying my prayers. I could feel all of my muscles tense, accumulating power to pounce and attack the one touching me. Spontaneous physical contact wasn't my thing. A stranger touching me suddenly wasn't my thing. _That_ bastard touching me wasn't my fucking thing in _particular_ and my anger was on a good way of showing itself...

I shouldn't turn around to look at him. I knew it. I knew it very well that the moment I saw him, was the moment I was going to go rampant ridiculously fast. One meeting was enough to ensure me I hated the guy's guts.

He didn't care, it seemed. However, he hasn't seen me in action before, probably...

"Mr Police Officer! What a nice surprise. Don't say you're already going? You haven't had a drink yet!" he exclaimed happily.

I despised that chirpy trill with all my heart and soul.

"I don't feel like having one after all." I hissed angrily and released from his grip, leaving the pub; not appealing now in the slightest.

The pest was stubborn; however, and ignored my obvious need to leave his unwelcome presence.

"Oh, don't spoil my fun, Mr Officer... I was so happy to see you after all, and you won't even meet my gaze. Are your strong feelings for me no longer in place?" he sang almost and I stopped dead in my tracks, turning around so fast that he collided with me, surprised.

"What fucking feelings, flea? I don't have any feelings for you aside of hatred. In that situation it would be very wise of you to extricate yourself from me and run, or you will end up with a great example of a bloodied head, by it being bashed into the pavement." I threatened darkly, clenching my fists in an attempt at controlling myself for a moment longer.

The pest's eyes darkened for a couple of seconds and his smile shifted from a happy grin to a calculating sneer.

"You really are a beast, aren't you? So I wasn't wrong the first time... What makes you think it would be easy to take me down, hmm? You want to play harsh? I can do that, _Shizu-chan_." he announced in a lower tone.

Silver glint of a knife suddenly appearing in his hand caught my eye a second too late, as it snuggled at my throat; touching the skin, but not breaking it. _Yet_.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I growled, my blood boiling in my veins at the feel of steel at my throat.

"I'm playing with you. Isn't it obvious?" he said.

As if it was a plausible explanation... Fucking psycho! I knew it he was all trouble and no good news...

"Who said I want to fucking play with you? Get the fuck away from me, before I tore you into pieces!" I growled louder, the movement of my throat muscles driving the tip of the blade deeper into my skin.

"I wouldn't move so much if I were you, Mr Officer. Unless you want to have a nice new scar adorning your pretty neck..."

As he said that, he moved his body closer, his legs now touching mine, sending shivers of disgust down my spine. What was his fucking point? Right...

"What is your fucking point?" I verbalised my thought wisely.

"My point? Oh, I don't really know... Having my fun tormenting you? Didn't I tell you? I _love_ pushing buttons. All of them... preferably at once. Just to see that unique mix of unsubdued, unbridled, unalloyed emotions. In your case. You seem fascinatingly pure in some way. Guess I had some luck in finding you, Mr Officer. You say what you think and act on it even before it comes out of your pretty little mouth. I find it healthily entertaining!" he laughed lightly and the poor safety lock on my anger went off.

I didn't care about the knife. I didn't care about the place and possible passer-byes. I became pure instinct. Deadly instinct.

"Shut the fuck up!" and once again I released my hand that he had somehow managed to get in his hold, to strike him hard in that irritating face of his.

The knife cutting into my skin was only a shadow feeling. I was more pissed off that the flea had managed to avoid my blow by jumping back in the right moment.

"Not nice of you, Shizu-chan! You could have broken my precious nose with that kind of an impact. Orihara Izaya is too perfect to have a bloodied nose! Though, it seems you want to play after all... While I could have found a better use for your powerful touch, this is not so bad too. Additional exercise just to keep me extra fit. Why not; if you insist..." he taunted, staying at a safe distance.

"Stop talking and better start running. Otherwise, the night will end in me disembowelling you, stupid pest!" I shouted and charged in his direction without second thought.

And I had worked so fucking hard on keeping my cool, that bastard!

"Oh, I'm impressed that you know such a complicated word, Shizu-chan. Was it a part of your police training? Do you have something else to swank with or was it the only longer word you had managed to remember?" he leered and jumped aside just in time to escape my murderous grip.

"I don't need fancy words to kill you, bastard. My fists are enough!"

"How primal of you. No wonder the police have such a low rate of arrests. Thought should be your main tool of work, don't you _think_, Shizu-chan? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? A cop trying to murder an innocent citizen? Isn't that a denial of your main purpose?" he asked, dancing around me like mad.

Was he an acrobat or what? If he would just stay in once place for a moment then...

"It's after my fucking working hours, flea! And you're as far from an innocent citizen as it's possible!" I cried out and, having enough of trying to corner him, lifted the closest trash can to throw at him.

Unfortunately, I missed, or rather he had managed to dodge it. Luck bastard!

"Ha, ha! That was something new, Shizu-chan. Do they teach you this in the police as well? A special technique of rendering a criminal unable? You sure are a strong one! Just how I like them... A monster squirming at my mercy." he purred almost and I swear, bile had rose in my throat at the sound.

"You're sick!" I hissed full of disgust.

"Aren't we all, Shizu-chan?" he laughed again, bouncing on the heels of his feet. "Oh, well... As much fun as it is, I have a meeting I need to attend, so... until our next encounter, Mr Officer. _Shizu-chan_..." were his words, fallowed by a kiss blown in my direction.

And he was off. He disappeared in the shadows so fast, I had hardly notice the fire escape he had used to leave. There was no point in running after him. I was too jittery to manoeuvre in an unknown space, and the darkness. That much sense was left in me...

The course of our meeting and the fact it had taken place _at all,_ was above me. Moreover, the bastard's readiness to taunt me. He even had the guts to point a knife at me. He knew I was a police officer and still...

I wasn't going to leave it like this. I couldn't. It was too fucking much and Orihara Izaya was going to pay. Some way or another... Sooner or later.

Preferably sooner...


	4. A Rough Stone

**Author's Note: **Hi! Here's an update. A rather short one, but I have other projects I'm currently working on and it somehow fitted for me to end it that way, actually... There is what I would call an appetizer of Izaya's POV, which is certainly going to be more frequent in the chapters to come. Oh, and indicate if you will find it better for me two write whose POV is which. I find it fun to make it out after the first few sentences, yet I know some of you might dislike it. Feel free to state your opinion.

Thank you for all the alerts and favourites and while I must admit I was a bit sad I only got one review, well, life is life... Though, I had a bit less motivation to write because of that, the chapter is still here and I hope you will enjoy reading it :)

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><p>So I was a <em>bit<em> desperate for information, I admit. It happened to be so, of course, that the area of my interest seemed to be non-existent. Somehow, there were no files about a certain Orihara Izaya in any database I had access to. I should have predicted it, probably. He couldn't be a simple criminal—a thief or mugger, any of the usual stuff, as I call it—as the situation with Tom-san wouldn't have taken place. There was no way he would let off someone highly dangerous having charges against him, so it left little place for deliberation.

Orihara Izaya was not in the accessible police database; not on 'the wanted' list. He could pull off a stunt like the one with that punk Kida without any kind of punishment. I even looked him up on the Internet. Nothing still... He wasn't there. Not a single word or picture... In today's world it was hard to believe in. Taking his acquaintance with Tom-san into account, there was something special going on. Something 'special' in the ill kind of meaning and I didn't like it the least bit...

Was he in the witness protection program? Though, what about the mysterious talk with Tom-san, then—having to maintain a certain opinion and encouraging the kid to steal? It didn't sound like the words of a witness in danger much... Quite the opposite. Using the cliché, he would be an ideal criminal mastermind to me, actually. He oozed with ill-will. I swear one can smell it from distance if the odour becomes familiar. Although I hated it, I hoped it could act as a flea detector—quite a useful thing if you ask me... I could simply wait with a road sign in my hand, ready to smash him in the head and be over with it.

What an appealing scene... Yeah, but imagination was only imagination.

Still, who exactly was Orihara Izaya? Being at that, was Orihara Izaya even his real name? Would he risk giving it to me? And Mikado was there as well.

He had to be co-operating with the NPA somehow. There was no other possibility. But why were the both parties interested in such a deal was an unsolved mystery. For now at least... Unfortunately, my position in the police ranks was too low to try extracting any information from the secured data bases; though, I wasn't so sure there was more to be found in there. I would have to hit directly to the higher-ups and aside from me having a low ranking position, I was quite known throughout the departments on the account of my foul temper and it was a miracle I had the job as it was, any kind of special treatment aside...

There _was_ one person who could help me; however, and it was no one other than Tom-san himself. He liked me at least; to a point... The chances were small, yet I had to try, right?

Therefore, here I was, before Tom-san's desk, looking at him hopefully and trying to achieve my goal with the use of something I would call 'firm politeness'. Yeah, 'firm politeness' and I was almost at my best... My only excuse was the topic's potential to piss me off. It was a high potential for sure, so yeah, piss off if my attitude bothers you; it's all...

"What is it that you feel the need to discuss, Shizuo?" was Tom's calm question.

I bit my lip, trying to compose my thoughts into a sensible and convincing sentence, yet decided to simply speak, as speeches weren't exactly my cup of tea in the first place. Simplicity would have to do... Besides, was there something wrong with straightforwardness?

"Well, there is this one case that keeps bothering me, Tom-san and I don't think I can have a peaceful mind until I solve it." I started; a rather nice start in my reasoning.

"I see. And what is the case? I will try to help you if I can... Though, I can't promise it's possible."

Tom-san's words strangely eased my nerves. It was just so like him, offering his help, but not promising the impossible.

"Okay, yeah, that's fine with me. The thing is, you probably remember those two guys I brought here together with Ryugamine-kun last time, charged with theft, right? And I know I acted out of line then, especially considering the older—Orihara Izaya, I think?" I added after a moment; though, there was no way I couldn't actually remember that bastard's name. It just wasn't good to act too desperate and needy. "Yesterday evening, when I went to a bar he was there too and we kind of... We came to a misunderstanding. And I don't really know who he is, but the guy... attacked me. You know, with a knife, and all... So I thought, I should talk with you, because no matter what the situation with that guy is, he is too frickin' dangerous and maybe someone should... control him, a bit?" I ended lamely.

How is it that when I really want to sound professional _and_ not aggressive my already rather sparse vocabulary turns its back on me? What have I done in my past life, I wonder? Burnt down an imperial library? Offended a national poet?

Though, I managed not to use the word pest, flea or kill in a sentence with the name Orihara Izaya. It wasn't _so_ bad...

As for Tom-san's reaction to my confession, a crease between his eyebrows appeared; undoubtedly a sign of intensive thinking.

"Firstly, what was the cause of the... misunderstanding, as you called it and secondly, what was the outcome of it? I hope you weren't injured. And that there were no accidental victims..." the last sentence sounded more like a personal prayer, murmured by Tom-san and not aimed at my ears.

However, it wasn't the most interesting thing. Worth noticing was the fact that Tom-san in no way denied the possibility of such an action taking place. My less than friendly attitude towards people, especially those irritating me—a common occurrence—wasn't anything new. The flea's? Now that was another story...

Tom-san's readiness to believe me had to mean that the bastard was exactly that—a bastard; and a great one, too. Meaning, my gut feeling hit the jackpot! It wasn't strange for him not only to attack people, but to jump them with a knife? Besides, Tom-san asking _me_ if _I'm_ not hurt and not the pest? Wasn't he concerned I had beaten him into a pulp? So it wasn't luck after all, huh? Was he a member of the Tokyo Mafia?

Why was he walking as a free man, then? It was fucking sick! That's all I had to say... Friggin' idiocy!

"You know I have a short temper." I stated bluntly. Truthfully, there was no hiding it either... "Well, that Izaya person seems to get his kicks out of provoking me, as he fallowed me after our accidental meeting despite me telling him to fu- get away from me." I stopped the curse in the middle.

Tom-san only rose an eyebrow—a sign to continue.

"As I said, the guy fallowed me and started spouting shit, not to mention him touching me when all he should do was to leave me be. Though, I admit, I might have said some unnecessary stuff, the pest was suddenly holding a knife against my throat. What do you think happened later...? We fought of course, but neither of us got hurt really... Still, the guy is a frickin' psycho and letting him walk the streets is just... nuts!" I ended with an exclamation, my blood pressure rising throughout the development of my story.

Tom-san sighed heavily, a look of resignation and understanding in his eyes.

What can I say? The guy is a saint to me—I would have tried to kill me more times than I can count if in his shoes and all he does is sigh and deal with the situation he is presented with... Not that him sighing was my fault only. The pest played the greater role in the whole ordeal, in my opinion. It wasn't me who started that shit!

"I know the situation isn't quite... normal, Shizuo. Yet, as far as I consider Orihara-san's behaviour... improper, I cannot exactly put him in a cell based on the encounter between the both of you. I'm sorry, Shizuo. It's just that... the whole thing is more complicated than it looks and I have to work within certain frames imposed on me by the higher-ups and the development of the situation itself." was his apologetic reply.

How brilliant! I was working in a circus, not a police department. Fucking bureaucracy and the policy of greater good!

"What does it mean 'isn't quite normal', Tom-san? So what now? The louse is entitled to do whatever the fuck he wants? He threatened me with a knife! Do you think it can be put aside because of the _situation? _What if the bastard attacks someone not as strong as me, huh? What then? You're going to tell that person that the situation isn't quite normal too? Are you kiddin' me or what?" my anger finally burst.

I didn't matter whom I was talking to any more. I had enough!

"Orihara-san wouldn't do such a thing, Shizuo. He has to act within certain boundaries as well. Otherwise, there would be no point in what is happening." Tom-san tried to explain farther, probably trying to calm me down a bit.

It didn't work.

"Are you insane? Do you think you can believe a psycho like him? He doesn't even have a stable personality for all I had seen. One moment he's nice to the point of making me sick and then, suddenly, he turns into a maniac with a knife. He is a two-faced viper! He can bite before one has a chance to react... It's not fucking safe to have someone like him on the streets! You tell me he's bound by some shitty deal and I tell you he doesn't give a shit about playing fair! You're going to say attacking me is another case entirely? I did _not _ask him to try slicing my throat for fun, just to see if he's able to! Tell me, what is so different about attacking _me_ or some other person on the streets if he sees it fit? Why do I even have to deal with this shit? I should have killed him when I had the chance during our first meeting!"

I was angry. I was so fuckin' angry I could hardly stop myself from trashing Tom-san's office. And I _like_ the man... But it was too much. It was still the same shit he was feeding me with, about how different and complicated it all is and not explaining anything in the slightest. As if I was an idiot not worth any one's time. And I ask, what is so fuckin' different? People committed a crime and we put them in jail, punished them accordingly. Otherwise, they would all do whatever they liked, exactly like that louse! Even I had been punished multiple times for my rampant behaviour and I'm a cop... And I tell you, having to work as a patrol officer wasn't the only punishment in my career.

"I understand your anger, Shizuo; however, there is nothing I can do this time. That's how police works and I'm not important enough to decide about such things by myself. Orihara-san is someone important for our department and I'm afraid you will have to live with that..." Tom-san stated, not looking very thrilled with the idea either.

"So? I'm to stand still and let him slash me up next time he tries? And stop calling him 'Orihara-san', for fuck's sake! You're older than him, aren't you? And he's the bad guy, not you. He doesn't deserve politeness from anyone; especially from you." I grumbled angrily.

"I know it's frustrating, yet that's how things are. I can't say I'm pleased with them; however, my job requires from me the skill of staying composed no matter the circumstances. I can speak to you about him as 'Izaya-kun' if you wish; though, it's not much of a consolation gift, isn't it?" he asked me, a small smile appearing on his lips.

This time it was me who sighed; heavily.

It wasn't really Tom-san's fault and all he did was fallowing the rules. Being in his position, I couldn't blame him for long...

"Yeah, it's isn't, but still better than nothing... I just... I don't understand what's his problem is. I know I'm hardly a nice person and have a shitty mouth to start with, but it's not a reason to act like he does... I'm a big boy, I can handle him, probably. Still... He pisses me off enormously. I can't promise I will stay calm if he plans on playing at my cost. I'm just not that kind of guy..." I explained more composed than before.

"I'm aware Shizuo. And I'm not telling you to stand and get a beating either. Just... try not to kill him, is all I say..." Tom-san pleaded and I nodded my head in confirmation.

"Well, I won't _shoot_ him... I don't like violence, Tom-san. You know it, right?"

"Yeah, I know, Shizuo..." he agreed in a somewhat amused tone.

We both knew how the reality looked.

* * *

><p>Sitting in front of three of my many monitors, I read the data adorned with photos here and there. The smile on my face was gradually growing with each piece of new information; and there were many to dig through. If there was any kind of heaven, <em>this<em> was my personal preference. An eternity for gathering data on those of my interest; for later usage, of course...

I magnified another photograph I had found among the multiple files and started studying the person it presented. This particular photo certainly caught my attention if for the fact it didn't give away the temper and power that lurked in the man; or a beast rather, a monster... Because he was one—Heiwajima Shizuo—a beast in a human form. Here, on the photo, his strength of deadly potential was dormant; the only sign of its existence in his gaze—vigilant, while his body's posture indicated relaxation. Mixed signals. And it seemed as if he was almost always like that. In every picture he wasn't _actually_ caught going rampant, he was also never fully placid; some part of him constantly aware of his surroundings—an instinctual alertness of kinds.

Among other things, he emitted an aura of danger around him that I adored from the first moment my eyes had landed on him. His primitiveness was enticing on many levels and I could not walk past him indifferently. He made me want to stir him, push his boundaries, tease him mercilessly and watch the hell burn. And what image he presented then... Muscles straining in exertion, hair dishevelled from running—gold and thick like a lion's mane and his teeth bared in pure animalistic anger—all this propelled by an enormous rush of adrenaline that for sure made him almost immune to pain—as my knife cutting into his skin did not faze him. How could I not be fascinated by such a scene?

His simplicity was refreshing, as well as his straightforwardness. And while many humans weren't able to control themselves, he took it to a whole new level. I could not deny him this...

Taking it all into account, I was sure he was going to be my new object of focus, my new hobby, my toy. His life was to be my entertainment. I was sure joyous days were ahead of us...


End file.
